Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He passed out mid-signature
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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