Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
