Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
