don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
