Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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