I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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