she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
