Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
