I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are the jesus of drinking
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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