He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
