I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
