By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
