First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Boobs are out for the taking
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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