Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
