Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
