and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
