Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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