the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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