Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
