I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
