Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize