Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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