Im at strip club and am horny
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
