I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
