Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
