I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
