At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
