Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
