He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
