So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize