Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
