She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
