im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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