Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
