I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize