Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
