This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
babies were throwing up all over the place
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
