I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
