I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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