Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
