So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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