I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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