She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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