I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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