my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
