She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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