PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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