I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
