i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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