Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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