I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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