god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
