and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
