her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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