He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
