The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
