well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
