She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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