well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
