It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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