when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
