Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
