That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
