guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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