His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
