You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
