wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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