I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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